Accounting Jokes

The definitive site for humour about all things accounting

Monthly Archives: April 2011

Monty Python and accounting 3

Monty Python and accounting 2


Vocational guidance counsellor sketch

This is a link to a Monty Python fan site.

Monty Python and accounting 1


Why accountancy is not boring by Mr A. Putty

This is a link to a Monty Python fan site.

Pearly gates


An accountant dies and goes to Heaven. He is met by St. Peter, who goes through the usual questionnaire.

“What sort of accountant are you?” asks St. Peter.

“Public practitioner,” is the reply.

“Name?”

He gives his name. St. Peter goes through some files and pulls one out.

“Oh, yes. We’ve been expecting you. You’ve reached your allotted span,” he says.

“How can that be?” says the accountant. “I’m too young to go. I’m only 48.”

“No, that’s impossible.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Well, we’ve been looking at your time sheets and the hours you’ve charged your clients. By our reckoning, you’re at least 93.”

Counting sheep 3


An auditor was examining the balance sheet of a mining company that had just bought a sheep station in the Pilbara area of Western Australia. The reason for the purchase was partly for the thousands of acres that the station covered and partly for the thousands of sheep that ranged over those thousands of acres. The auditor, being very diligent, noted that the value of the sheep formed a significant asset and, like all good auditors, knew that he would have to verify that asset.  He chartered an aircraft and flew up to the station.  The manager was at the airstrip to meet him.

“Hello,” he said. “I’m the auditor.  I’ve come to count the sheep.”

Bearings


An auditor is checking the books of an airline.  He is puzzled by the excess use of fuel on a Melbourne to Canberra flight. He rings up the pilot and asks for an explanation.

“It was late at night,” says the pilot, “Canberra was covered in fog and I lost my bearings.”

“I’m sorry,” says the auditor, “but you’ll have to pay the cost yourself.”

“The cost of what?” asks the pilot.

“Of the bearings you lost.”

Enron


An Arthur Andersen partner comes back to his office and says to his manager, “Did you get my message where I said, ‘Ship the Enron documents to the Feds’?”

The manager goes white. “Oh My God! I thought you said rip the Enron documents to shreds.”

Lisp


The managing partner in an accounting firm is very annoyed with one of his junior partners and has called him in to chastise him.

“How could you possibly advise the client in the way you did? That was completely unethical. We are always conscious of Ethics in this firm.  You do know what Ethics is don’t you?”

The young partner is offended. “Of course I know what Ethics is.  It’s a county in southern England.”

Rectal pain


An accountant is talking to the young child of one of his friends and says, “Do you know what I do?’

“Daddy says you’re a CPA.”

“That’s right.  Did he tell you what CPA stands for?”

“Well, he says you’re a complete pain in the arse.”

Heart transplant


The doctor comes to see his heart transplant patient.

“This is good news.  It is very unusual, but we have two donors to choose from for your new heart.”

The patient is pleased.  He asks, “What were their jobs?”

“One was a teacher and the other was an accountant.”

“I’ll take the accountant’s heart,” says the patient.  “I want one that hasn’t been used.”