Accounting Jokes

The definitive site for humour about all things accounting

Category Archives: Technical ineptitude

Bearings


An auditor is checking the books of an airline.  He is puzzled by the excess use of fuel on a Melbourne to Canberra flight. He rings up the pilot and asks for an explanation.

“It was late at night,” says the pilot, “Canberra was covered in fog and I lost my bearings.”

“I’m sorry,” says the auditor, “but you’ll have to pay the cost yourself.”

“The cost of what?” asks the pilot.

“Of the bearings you lost.”

Enron


An Arthur Andersen partner comes back to his office and says to his manager, “Did you get my message where I said, ‘Ship the Enron documents to the Feds’?”

The manager goes white. “Oh My God! I thought you said rip the Enron documents to shreds.”

First accountant


Who was the first accountant?

Adam:

  • he got interested in figures
  • turned the first leaf, made the first entry
  • lost interest after withdrawal
  • buggered up the monthly accounts and
  • raised the first liability

Changing light bulbs 3


How many cost accountants does it take to change a light bulb?

Hmmm……..I’ll just do a few numbers and get back to you

Changing light bulbs 2


How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb?

Two.  One to change the bulb and one to check it was done within budget.

Changing light bulbs 1


How many auditors does it take to change a light bulb?

How many did it take last year?

Audit work


Why did the auditor cross the road?

Because he looked in the working papers and that’s what they did last year.

CPA


What does CPA stand for?

Can’t Produce Anything

Taxonomy


There are three kinds of accountants in the world.

Those who can count and those who can’t.

Dinosaurs


The accountant was visiting the Museum of Natural History and said to the person standing next to him, “That dinosaur is two hundred million years and ten months old.”

“How did you get such exact information?”

“I was here ten months ago and the guide said the dinosaur was two hundred million years old.”