Accounting Jokes

The definitive site for humour about all things accounting

Category Archives: Prosaic

Monty Python and accounting 3

Monty Python and accounting 2


Vocational guidance counsellor sketch

This is a link to a Monty Python fan site.

Monty Python and accounting 1


Why accountancy is not boring by Mr A. Putty

This is a link to a Monty Python fan site.

Marrying a CPA


A lady goes to see her doctor with some worrying symptoms and he examines her.

“I’m sorry,” he says “but it’s bad news.  You have only six months to live.”

The patient says, “Oh Doctor. That’s terrible.  What should I do?”

The doctor says, “I advise you to marry a CPA.”

“Will that make me live longer?”

“No,” says the doctor. “But it will seem longer.”

Tax deductions


Accountant after reading nursery rhymes to his young child:

“No, son. When Little Bo Peep lost her sheep that wouldn’t be tax deductible, but I like your thinking”.

Pumpkins


The accountant had just read the story of Cinderella to his four-year-old daughter for the first time. The little girl was fascinated by the story, especially the part where the pumpkin turns into a golden coach. Suddenly she piped up, “Daddy, when the pumpkin turned into a golden coach, would that be classed as income or a long-term capital gain?”

Martians


A Martian lands to plunder, pillage and burn. He goes up to the owner of the first house he sees and says, “I’m a Martian just arrived from another planet. We’re here to destroy your civilisation, pillage and burn. What do you think about that?”

The owner replies, “I don’t have an opinion. I’m a chartered accountant.”

Boring


Accountants aren’t boring people. They just get excited over boring things.

Precision


Accountants carry their calculations to two decimal places just to prove they have a marvellous sense of humour.

Insomnia


If an accountant’s wife can’t get to sleep, what does she say?

“Tell me about work today, dear”