Accounting Jokes

The definitive site for humour about all things accounting

Category Archives: Ethics

Dilbert: Frillions


One of the many Dilbert cartoons drawn by Scott Adams which relate to accounting:

http://dilbert.com/strips/comic/2006-11-29/

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Pearly gates


An accountant dies and goes to Heaven. He is met by St. Peter, who goes through the usual questionnaire.

“What sort of accountant are you?” asks St. Peter.

“Public practitioner,” is the reply.

“Name?”

He gives his name. St. Peter goes through some files and pulls one out.

“Oh, yes. We’ve been expecting you. You’ve reached your allotted span,” he says.

“How can that be?” says the accountant. “I’m too young to go. I’m only 48.”

“No, that’s impossible.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Well, we’ve been looking at your time sheets and the hours you’ve charged your clients. By our reckoning, you’re at least 93.”

Enron


An Arthur Andersen partner comes back to his office and says to his manager, “Did you get my message where I said, ‘Ship the Enron documents to the Feds’?”

The manager goes white. “Oh My God! I thought you said rip the Enron documents to shreds.”

Lisp


The managing partner in an accounting firm is very annoyed with one of his junior partners and has called him in to chastise him.

“How could you possibly advise the client in the way you did? That was completely unethical. We are always conscious of Ethics in this firm.  You do know what Ethics is don’t you?”

The young partner is offended. “Of course I know what Ethics is.  It’s a county in southern England.”

Shredded lettuce?


Why does Martha Stewart insist Arthur Andersen auditors help out on her cooking shows?

She knows they’re the best at shredding.

Hush money


“The auditors have just left, sir.”

“Did they check the books?”

“Very thoroughly.”

“What did they say?”

“They want 15% to keep quiet.”

Missing accountant


A businessman hires a private detective to find a missing accountant.

The detective tells him that he needs a description and asks a few questions.

“Was he tall or was he short?”

The businessman replies, “Both!”

Accountant search


A businessman tells his friend that his company is looking for a new accountant.

His friend asks, “Didn’t your company hire a new accountant a few weeks ago?”

The businessman replies, “That’s the accountant we’re looking for.”

Shy and retiring


What’s a shy and retiring accountant?

An accountant who is half a million shy and that’s why he’s retiring.

Proof


Accounting will prove anything.  Even the truth.